3rd draft

Script 3rd draft

Scene 1 –

(All sat round in college common room)

Lauren:

Has anyone noticed Em has been acting a bit…

Ben:

 Weird?

Lauren:

 Er yeah I suppose I dunno she’s definitely not been acting herself recently

Luke:

Yeah I've noticed that. I was saying the same thing to Chloe the other

Day wasn't I?

(Girl looks up from her phone)

Chloe:

Sorry did you say something?

Luke:

 (sighs) yeah we were talking about em? Hasn't been acting herself recently?

Chloe:

Oh... yeah definitely something up with her

(Looks back down to her phone once she’s finished talking)

Lauren:

Maybe we should talk to her about it?

Ben:

What if it’s something really serious though?

Luke:

yeah I can’t cope with your girl problems. Nope, no way let’s just leave it and see if she comes to us.

Lauren:

Okay I’m worried about her though

Chloe:
(looking back up from her phone) yeah to be fair i'm quite worried too

Luke:
Chloe when do you ever worry about anything?

Chloe:
when it comes to my friends i do

Ben:

Shh she’s coming talk about something else

(girl enters the room walks over to the group and sits down next to Chloe)

Emily:

 Hi

Chloe:
hi how are you?

Emily:
er not bad

Chloe:
oh okay good

(Awkward silenced in the group , all sat looking round at each other while Emily just looks at the floor)

Lauren:
are you  sure you're alright em you've been... well it's like...erm...Chloe?

Chloe:
you've been acting really weird recently we're all worried about you come on you can talk to us

(Everyone sits in silence while Emily looks up at each one of them)

Emily:
what?

Luke:
I knew we shouldn't of asked her I told you didn't I? Ben what did I say?

Ben
shut-up Luke

Luke:
no seriously though we should of just left it

Emily: nice to see you've all been discussing me then

Ben: 
no you've got it wrong its not like that you can't blame us for being worried

(Lauren gets up and walks over to sit next to Emily)

Lauren:
 look you really haven't been yourself recently are you sure you don't want to talk or something?

Emily:
i don't know what you're talking about I'm fine I’ve just been busy with like coursework and stuff I’ve been tired

Ben:
are you sure? You can tell us you know we are you're friends we've been here for you before remember

Chloe:
yeah come on Em its okay

Emily:
you wouldn't understand okay I said I’m fine can you not just leave it?

(others look round at each other in shock, other people in the room start looking over at them)

Chloe:
calm down em we were only asking we're your friends we're allowed to be worried about you

Emily:
look I’ve gotta go I’ll see you all later

Luke:
Emily wait

Ben:
just let her go she's obviously not going to talk to us you're all just going to cause an argument

Emily:
 yeah talk to you later okay bye

(walks quickly away from the others and bumps into a boy who's on his way into the room)

Adam:
whoa be careful em! Where you running off to anyway?

Emily:
ask them they seem to have a lot to say about me

(Emily turns and walks away without saying anything else)

Adam:

 (as he walks over to the group) did I miss something? What’s up with her?

Ben:
wish we knew man just tried to find out and she flipped

Luke:
what happened to waiting till she came to us anyway?

Ben:

Luke i told you to shut-up about that

Lauren:
i had to know i hate seeing her sad I’m going to try and talk to her again later

Adam:
don't really think that's the best idea ever. She obviously doesn't want us to know

Chloe:

But we’re her friends? We have a right to know if something is upsetting her we could help her if she told us?

Adam:

Whatever do what you want but you’re going to make things worse. Is anyone coming outside I need a fag

Luke:

Yeah I will

Ben:

Yeah me too

Lauren:

Nah I'm going to stay here I’ve got loads of work I need to do. Are you staying clo?

Chloe:

Er no I'm going to go with these, text me or something later let us know how you get on with Emily yeah?

Lauren:

Yeah I will do see you later

(All get up and gather their stuff, wave to Lauren as they leave the room)

(Scene changes to those 4 outside the college building smoking, other people walking around in the background)

Chloe:

Has anyone else been invited to jack’s party on Friday?

Ben:

Yeah all of us have I think, he usually invites like half the college

Adam:

Last time about five hundred people showed up, his house was trashed

Chloe:

Why does he keep on doing it then? This he’d learn from his mistakes and all that wouldn’t you

Luke:

He just doesn’t really care though does he like as long as he has an excuse to get drunk.

Adam:

Do you reckon Emily will be there? She hasn’t come out with us for ages

Chloe:

Lauren will hopefully sort out whatever her problem is coming out with us might even cheer her up a bit  

(Silence for a few seconds as Luke lights another cigarette, see older woman approaching the group without them noticing)

Luke:

I think I'm supposed to be in English now you know; Mrs Smith has already gone mad at me for not going all last week

Mrs Smith:

Yes and I'm about to ‘go mad’ again if you don’t get to that lesson NOW!

(Rest of the group start to laugh at him)

Mrs Smith:

And I don’t know what you’re all finding so funny? Chloe I know Mr Clough has been looking for you and he doesn’t seem too happy, and you two

(Turns to look at Adam and Ben)

 Mrs Smith:

If you’ve no lesson to be in now get to the common room and do some revision, not long till exams now you know?

Luke:

See you guys at dinner yeah

Chloe:

Yeah see you

(All go off in different directions to each other, except Adam and Ben who go in the same direction)

(Scene changes to Ben and Adam walking down the corridor)

focus group findings

1.) For the first question all of the people i asked said that in some cases it wasn't clear what type of personality some of the characters were suppose to have so it would be  a good idea to try and include more dialogue to give the characters more room for development 

2.) Everyone that i asked said that the story line seemed to be straight forward and was easy enough for them to follow and understand it without becoming confused or loosing track of what was going on

3.) Everyone asked said that the script was believable and passed as a script for a teenage based drama however some people did say that teenagers would be more talkative and that more speech could be included to show this better

4.) All people asked said that the main thing that would make them want to watch the programme would be to find out more about Emily and the background story on her and also to find out where the story line about her was leading

5.) improvements that were suggested as an answer to the last question where: more locations could of been used e.g characters could of been shown in other rooms in the college instead of just one and that it would be more interesting if the characters had more lines to say.

focus group questions

1. do you think all the characters come across as they're intended to? if no then how do you think they could be improved?

2. do you think the story line is interesting and easy to follow?

3. do you think there are any parts of the script that are unrealistic and could be improved?

4. which parts of the script, if any, make you want to watch the programme?

5. can you suggest any improvements that you think could be made to the script?

two tv dramas

New girl -

• 2 main story lines shown during the episode 
•  4 main characters, other smaller characters included in the episode  but no development of their characters.
• Locations used were mainly different rooms in the apartment where the main characters live, movement around the room + walking into different rooms during dialogue, development of one story line leads to them using the park as a location.
• music used in between scenes but never during the scene, used mostly to show the mood of the scene that had just taken place.
• 
  

Skins- 

• One main story line that is he focus of the episode, some smaller story lines shown  using the main story line as a base to start from and go back to.
• story line focuses on one of the main characters making them the main focus although some of the other ones are also shown throughout the episode
• the main locations used were the college that the characters attend, the homes of some of the main characters, they are shown outside briefly e.g whilst walking down the street and they are shown at a party at the house of an unidentified character.

script 2nd draft

Script 2^nd draft

Scene 1 –

(All sat round in college common room)

Lauren:

Has anyone noticed Em has been acting a bit…

Ben:

 Weird?

Lauren:

 Er yeah I suppose I dunno she’s definitely not been acting herself recently

Luke:

Yeah I've noticed that. I was saying the same thing to Chloe the other

Day wasn't I?

(Girl looks up from her phone)

Chloe:

Sorry did you say something?

Luke:

 (sighs) yeah we were talking about em? Hasn't been acting herself recently?

Chloe:

Oh... yeah definitely something up with her

(Looks back down to her phone once she’s finished talking)

Lauren:

Maybe we should talk to her about it?

Ben:

What if it’s something really serious though?

Luke:

yeah I can’t cope with your girl problems. Nope, no way let’s just leave it and see if she comes to us.

Lauren:

Okay I’m worried about her though

Ben:

Shh she’s coming talk about something else

(girl enters the room walks over to the group and sits down next to Chloe)

Emily:

 Hi

Chloe:
hi how are you?

Emily:
er not bad

Chloe:
oh okay good

(Awkward silenced in the group , all sat looking round at each other while Emily just looks at the floor)

Lauren:
are you  sure you're alright em you've been... well it's like...erm...Chloe?

Chloe:
you've been acting really weird recently we're all worried about you come on you can talk to us

(Everyone sits in silence while Emily looks up at each one of them)

Emily:
what?

Luke:
I knew we shouldn't of asked her I told you didn't I? Ben what did I say?

Ben
shut-up Luke

(Lauren gets up and walks over to sit next to Emily)

Lauren:
you really haven't been yourself recently are you sure you don't want to talk or something?

Emily:
i don't know what you're talking about I'm fine I’ve just been busy with like coursework and stuff I’ve been tired

Ben:
are you sure? You can tell us you know we are you're friends we've been here for you before remember

Emily:
you wouldn't understand okay I said I’m fine can you not just leave it?

(others look round at each other in shock, other people in the room start looking over at them)

Chloe:
calm down em we were only asking we're your friends we're allowed to be worried about you

Emily:
look I’ve gotta go I’ll see you all later

Luke:
Emily wait

Emily:
talk to you later okay bye

(walks quickly away from the others and bumps into a boy who's on his way into the room)

Adam:
whoa be careful em! Where you running off to anyway?

(Emily turns and walks away without saying anything)

Adam:

 (as he walks over to the group) did I miss something? What’s up with her?

Ben:
wish we knew man just tried to find out and she flipped

Luke:
what happened to waiting till she came to us anyway?

Lauren:
i had to know i hate seeing her sad I’m going to try and talk to her again later

Adam:
don't really think that's the best idea ever. She obviously doesn't want us to know

Chloe:

But we’re her friends? We have a right to know if something is upsetting her we could help her if she told us?

Adam:

Whatever do what you want but you’re going to make things worse. Is anyone coming outside I need a fag

Luke:

Yeah I will

Ben:

Yeah me too

Lauren:

Nah I'm going to stay here I’ve got loads of work I need to do. Are you staying clo?

Chloe:

Er no I'm going to go with these, text me or something later let us know how you get on with Emily yeah?

Lauren:

Yeah I will do see you later

(All get up and gather their stuff, wave to Lauren as they leave the room)

(Scene changes to those 4 outside the college building smoking, other people walking around in the background)

Chloe:

Has anyone else been invited to jack’s party on Friday?

Ben:

Yeah all of us have I think, he usually invites like half the college

Adam:

Last time about five hundred people showed up, his house was trashed

Chloe:

Why does he keep on doing it then? This he’d learn from his mistakes and all that wouldn’t you

Luke:

He just doesn’t really care though does he like as long as he has an excuse to get drunk.

Adam:

Do you reckon Emily will be there? She hasn’t come out with us for ages

Chloe:

Lauren will hopefully sort out whatever her problem is coming out with us might even cheer her up a bit  

(Silence for a few seconds as Luke lights another cigarette, see older woman approaching the group without them noticing)

Luke:

I think I'm supposed to be in English now you know; Mrs Smith has already gone mad at me for not going all last week

Mrs Smith:

Yes and I'm about to ‘go mad’ again if you don’t get to that lesson NOW!

(Rest of the group start to laugh at him)

Mrs Smith:

And I don’t know what you’re all finding so funny? Chloe I know Mr Clough has been looking for you and he doesn’t seem too happy, and you two

(Turns to look at Adam and Ben)

 Mrs Smith:

If you’ve no lesson to be in now get to the common room and do some revision, not long till exams now you know?

Luke:

See you guys at dinner yeah

Chloe:

Yeah see you

(All go off in different directions to each other, except Adam and Ben who go in the same direction)

(Scene changes to Ben and Adam walking down the corridor)